Is your child angry?
Anger is an automatic reaction and response to something children are not comfortable with or do not like. We see it on television, we see it in movies and unfortunately we see it in our everyday interactions with others.
When is it too much? Every one of us feels angry at times. We emote in utero and at birth.
Emotional development begins early. We know that babies respond to emotional expressions like a smile or a frown on your face within a few weeks of life.
If you are a mother you may remember when your baby was startled or heard a loud noise he/she would pucker up and cry. Some babies are born irritable, and show their displeasure by crying and raising their fists in frustration.
Many researchers now think that within 3 months babies can react and express five basic emotions: joy, interest, anger, sadness and disgust (Understanding babies' emotions Raising Childrens'Network).
These researchers' observed that babies respond differently to each of the three expressions, showing they could tell the difference between happiness, sadness and anger. The babies first reflected back their mother's joyful expressions, but as the mother repeated this expression, the babies reactions changed to interest and excitement.
The mother's angry expression caused some infants such distress they could not complete the experiment. When the mothers exhibited a sad expression, some babies responded by sucking tongues and lips, something they had not done at any other time.(Raising Childrens'Network).
As children grow up they are taught social skills and the difference between right and wrong. We teach our children how to play well with other children.
When negative behavior is present such as anger we often forget that anger is a normal and acceptable emotion. We should teach our children how to express anger and direct them towards productive behavior.
Let your child know that adults get angry, as well. Give examples such as the loss of a significant other, disappointment in not getting the job we applied for or small events such as losing our car keys.
Children respond with anger when they feel helpless, fearful, sadness or frustration. In children anger can also be a response to embarrassment, loneliness, rejection, and anxiety. Anger can be the way that a child shows us that something is not going right for them and perhaps a change in the child's environment is necessary.
Children learn how to express anger by other's behavior. For example: your child hits his sibling when they are fighting. Anger and aggression are not the same. Aggression is a negative behavior and anger is an emotion.
When asked where he/she learned this behavior, you may find out that your child saw fighting on the school grounds and modeled this behavior. Let your child know that aggression is not ok and teach your child how to channel their anger appropriately.
Parents become frustrated and aggravated by their child's anger. It becomes a contest of who wins.
Good discipline involves setting limits and being consistent with those limits. Aggression, sarcasm, and ridicule is bad punishment and should be avoided.
Here are some "Tips For Angry Children" (PsychPage Richard Niolin PHD):
1. Comment on your child's behavior when it is good.
2. Say "NO" clearly and firmly as needed. Limits should be explained clearly and enforced constantly.
3. Provide physical outlets and exercise, both at home and at school.
4. Take an interest in your child's activities.
5. Use humor. Teasing or kidding may often diffuse an angry situation and allow a child to "save face".
6. When situations change, tell the child directly.
7. Use several parenting methods such as removing the child from the scene or intervening during a conflict or tantrum. Most of all, don't give up!
— Sandi Y. Squicquero M.Ed, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor who works out of the Medical Hypnosis and Counseling Center at 1180 Main St., Suite 5B in Windsor. She has more than 30 years experience as a counselor and is board certified in medical hypnosis.
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