If Michael Lamb wasn't a father to young children, the 36-year-old Aurora resident would probably be more adventurous at this stage of the pandemic.
"I think I'd be far more cavalier about what I was doing," Lamb said. "But I've got a 3-year-old and 6-year-old and my focus is on them since they can't be vaccinated. It's their protection first, especially in light of the new variants."
Lamb works in the insurance business, so risk management always weighs heavily on him. But more than 18 months into the COVID-19 pandemic, as so many public health decisions — masking indoors, eating in restaurants, attending large social gatherings — are now being left up to an individual's comfort level, that weight feels even more burdensome.
Last year, Gov. Jared Polis and public health officials mandated a number of decisions for us, restricting where we could go and requiring mask-wearing in public. With the arrival of the COVID-19 vaccines, state leaders began loosening restrictions and people were able to choose, in many cases, what their new normal looked like. But as the delta variant of the virus flared this summer, some Coloradans chose to return to living life a bit more cautiously.
"It's definitely stressful," said Lamb, a British citizen born and raised in Hong Kong who moved to Aurora in 2018. "But I'm inherently risk-averse, anyway. I experienced SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome). I experienced bird flu. I have seen how it works. It's easier for me to say, 'Kids, I know you wanted to go to (indoor playground) Lava Island, but we're going to ride our bikes around outside instead.' "
Deciding what feels safe at this point in the pandemic can seem like a choose-your-own adventure novel with serious repercussions. Colorado's statewide mask order now only requires people who are not fully vaccinated to mask up in a limited number of settings — homeless shelters, prisons, jails, correctional programs and health care facilities — and mandates that everyone must wear a mask inside residential care facilities like nursing homes.
A handful of counties, including Boulder County, and a number of metro-area school districts have mask mandates in place for all.
For most Coloradans, however, the choice of whether to wear a mask when picking up a gallon of milk, whether to kick back with friends inside a favorite bar, or whether to attend that thrice-postponed wedding is now left up to the individual.
Public health guidance from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention still recommends fully vaccinated folks mask up in public indoor settings in counties where there is high transmission of the respiratory virus — which, as of Wednesday, was all of Colorado except San Juan County. But the federal agency says those who are vaccinated can "participate in many of the activities that they did before the pandemic."
Living in different worlds
Coloradans' varying comfort levels with the virus have some feeling as though they're living in different realities from those around them.
Laura Hackney, a Parker resident, is fully vaccinated and has resumed life as usual, she said.
The 64-year-old and her fully vaccinated husband are comfortable traveling, shopping for groceries, attending local festivals and popping into the mall to browse without wearing masks. She feels overjoyed watching sports and seeing stadiums full of fans back to enjoying themselves.
Hackney got the vaccine after her children asked her to, but doesn't care for the feeling of fabric over her face, she said.
She has avoided spaces that might require her to mask up such as plane rides, opting for road trips instead. The Parker resident recently returned from a trip to Michigan, where she ran a race alongside a vibrant running community.
"Our life is pretty normal," Hackney said. "We do pretty much whatever. I think it's strange you see all these people wearing masks when they don't need to, but I think that's how it should be if they feel they want to wear one, as long as they're not asking me to. I think it's weird people who are perfectly healthy are wearing masks, but I try not to be judgmental. This whole thing really hasn't affected us that much."
For fully vaccinated Brighton resident Lydia Villalobos, the pandemic has delivered heartbreak after heartbreak.
The 68-year-old woman had been taking care of her brother who has Down syndrome for 25 years, but his condition worsened during the pandemic to the point that she had to find a nursing home to care for him, she said.
"That experience of trying to find a nursing home during the pandemic — it was horrific," Villalobos said, choking back tears. "They had some of the highest number of cases, and I had to put a loved one in one, and because of COVID, you couldn't even tour them. You couldn't talk to anyone there face-to-face. I felt blind. It was so scary."
Villalobos was devastated to learn of several friends' death from COVID-19, she said.
Then, in May, Villalobos' husband was diagnosed with cancer.
With a couple of the most important people in Villalobos' life in vulnerable situations, she said she and her family can't be too careful. They wear masks inside the few places they go, like the grocery store. They haven't eaten inside a restaurant since the pandemic began. They're visiting with their children outside.
In order to see her brother weekly in the nursing home, Villalobos said it's her duty to stay as safe as possible during the week.
"I thought my summer would be a little different once we got vaccinated, but then when my husband got sick — we just have to be careful," Villalobos said. "I get it. People want this to be over, but it's not. It's been a whole new way to live. I come from a large family, and our reunions have been put on hold, and I miss everyone, but we have to keep everyone safe. It's frustrating when it feels like people are just thinking of themselves and not thinking of others. I try not to be negative, but that's what it feels like sometimes."
Lydia Villalobos, 68, center, accompanies her husband Modesto, 74, right, along with their daughter Vanessa, 45, left, to a therapy appointment for Modesto at the Anschutz Cancer Pavillion in Aurora, Colorado on Tuesday, Sept. 28, 2021. Modesto has been diagnosed with skin cancer on right hand.
"Another layer of hardship"
Amanda Rebel, a Colorado-based therapist with a niche for pandemic-related counseling, said the vast unknowns and discomfort brought about by COVID-19 and the choices presented by the virus can be managed through seeking mental health care.
"I often tell people that they can't control what other people do, but they do have choices around what works for them," Rebel said.
Rebel helps coach clients on figuring out their comfort level in these pandemic times, creating boundaries and helping enforce those boundaries with loved ones when tensions might prickle.
"As humans, we yearn for connection," Rebel said. "It's really how to connect with people in a way that feels safe for you or your family, and that can be very hard if the other person you love doesn't agree with how you want to connect. That's just another layer of hardship around COVID."
Christina Edstrom, a Longmont mom to two children, said she and her family decided against attending a family reunion in eastern Colorado a few weekends ago even though they cherish the time spent with loved ones.
"Breakthrough infections can happen, and we didn't want to be responsible for getting an older family member infected even though we're vaccinated," Edstrom said. "My 10-year-old is unvaccinated, so we're careful to protect him, but we really want to do our part as a family to reduce the community spread of COVID. At this point, most of our family and friends know that we're being cautious and doing to reduce community spread. Our motto is, 'We'll see you on the other side of this.'"
Edstrom recognized that children are less likely to experience severe symptoms from the virus, but said she worried about COVID long-haulers, who still feel the impacts of the virus months after infection.
If a conversation with family and friends is needed to communicate boundaries, Rebel suggests using "I" statements that lead with expressing someone's thoughts or feelings from their point of view rather than accusatory statements. For example, Rebel said someone could say, "I feel most comfortable wearing a mask indoors. Would you be willing to wear a mask when we meet?" rather than going into the conversation attacking someone's views on wearing a mask.
"It's really trying to keep it more about what someone wants and needs rather than a philosophical debate about values," Rebel said. "Although these conversations might be hard and painful, ultimately, it's pretty great practice for all of us to be honest about what our bandwidth is — what we can and what we aren't comfortable doing."
Lamb and his family are testing the waters of what they are comfortable doing.
They're masking indoors, but the Aurora family recently dipped their toes in an indoor outing to the new interactive Denver art exhibit Meow Wolf.
"We were lucky to get one of the first entries of the day, so we felt a bit better about that," Lamb said. "We decided to feel it out. We saw a good amount with the kids and then when the space was filling up, we left when we were getting a little uncomfortable with it. We obviously wore our masks. If everyone just followed the science, this could be over so much sooner."
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